Stepmom reacts to 17-year-old's spa day rejection: '[I'm] refusing to recreate a girly family day with her'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 28, 2025 3:00 PM EST

You can try all you want, but you can't force someone to love you. 

Cats are the perfect example of this. If you pick up your cat and give them a squeeze, swing them around, and kiss their tiny kitty forehead 20 times, they might protest. They'll want to get away from you, and out come the claws! No matter how much you force affection onto your fuzzy friend, they won't reciprocate it until they feel like it. If you just leave them be for a while, eventually they might curl up in your lap as you watch a TV show, and before you know it, you have a cuddle bug who can't get enough of you. All you have to do to gain your pet's love is… nothing. Just hang out and be a chill person. 

This approach tends to work on people, too. If you're constantly forcing them to hang out with you and telling them how great it is to spend time with them, they might pull away. And that's especially true if it's an awkward family relationship, like the one between this 17-year-old and her stepmom. 

As u/Novel-Tune-868 tells it, her stepmom is not only clingy, but also majorly jealous of her relationship with her mom. It's causing friction between the two of them, and this teen's dad is having to get involved to try and fix things. Check out the full story below, as well as the helpful advice from commenters. 

Next, read about the 'insufferable, outspoken, [and] overbearing' cousin who is literally begging to go to a family wedding, with some scoffing that she has a "complete lack of self-awareness." 

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    Cheezburger Image 10460327680
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for telling my stepmom she's not as important after refusing to recreate a girly family day with her?"

    My parents are divorced and share custody of me (17f) and my three younger brothers (16, 14 and 13). My mom has a boyfriend she's been with forever and my dad remarried a year and a half after the divorce. My stepmom was always jealous of the fact we love our mom so much and me and my brothers didn't count her as our second mom or an equal parent to mom and dad. She's
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
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    also jealous that we get along so well with our mom's boyfriend even though he only moved in with us a year ago, even though we knew him for 7 years and he was always such a cool guy.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 04
    My stepmom hates my mom so much for us loving mom that it makes us dislike our stepmom. We try to stay respectful for dad. But we have told him we have issues with her attitude and she got a little better after he talked to her. We can still see her anger and hatred for mom in how she looks at mom and how she reacts to mom being present. My stepmom came to every single
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 05
    school play and sports game or whatever we did and would always try to be the first to get to us. She'd try to stop us getting to mom first or she'd try to get seats closer to the front than mom. One time she actually yelled at my youngest brother for running past her to go and see mom after his school play and mom told dad about it and dad told stepmom to never do it again. And she didn't but again it ped her off.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 06
    My paternal grandma doesn't like my stepmom because every year on Mother's Day since she and dad got married, she calls my grandma and about my mom to her and how Mother's Day should be about the two of them. Grandma told me about it last year when I pushed her for why she didn't like her. She told me she felt like my stepmom would have happily seen mom abandon us so she could pick up the pieces and play the hero mom who stepped up role.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 07
    In my eyes my stepmom has always been my dad's wife and not my third or equal parent and if my parents were gone I would rather live with my mom's boyfriend than her even though I lived with her and not with him. I told my grandma that and she wasn't surprised because mom's boyfriend was never intense about trying to bond with us. He took it easy and was just a cool guy.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 08
    My grandma gets along with mom stuff and she gets along with granny (maternal grandma) too. So when I won this spa thing for a Mother's Day competition, I asked if the three of them wanted to do something together and they said yes and then the three of them organized a whole day of it since it wasn't actual Mother's Day. It was great and they did similar stuff with each of my brother's on different days thinking it was a great idea. Then grandma joined us all for
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 09
    Mother's Day stuff on Mother's Day. My stepmom found out about the girly day on Facebook a few weeks ago and she was upset she wasn't included. Apparently she bitched to grandma about it and blamed my mom. She then approached me a couple of weeks ago and told me she wanted to do the same thing with her, me, grandma and her mom. I
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 10
    told her I wasn't interested and she told me I have to. That I have two mom's and another grandma I never claim and I need to start treating everyone the same. I told her I only have one mom and two grandma's, She didn't like that and said she'd make me join and she said she doesn't feel as important when I don't do that stuff with her and how I should make her feel important. I got mad and told her she's not as important and she has to learn to
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
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    accept that because she's not my second mom or my third parent and I don't like her attitude or the way she tries to compete with and push mom out. She got so mad and dad came home as she was yelling. I packed up my stuff and went home to mom and told dad I wasn't coming anymore because I couldn't deal with his wife.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
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    She texted me a bunch and I had to block her but basically she was saying I was a cruel and a heartless and a bu y. AITA?
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
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    Cheezburger Image 10460327936
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14

    Stepmom sounds insecure and immature

    eve_tpa How old is this woman? She sounds exhausting NTA, you should sit down to talk with both her and your dad present "I have a mom, and the fact that you try to replace her makes me dislike you"
    via u/eve_tpa
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    BabeVibes22 I mean, who knew family dynamics could rival a soap opera? Next episode: Stepmom vs. Grandma in the Battle of the Spa Day!
    via u/BabeVibes22
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    Turbulent_Ebb5... NTA. You can't force relationships and the fact that she doesn't seem to understand that just shows how immature she is.
    via u/Turbulent_Ebb5669
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    dutchy_chris NTA. Your fathers wife is a jealous b with entitlement issues. Lucky your family sees her for who she is. Just keep going with polite "no"
    via u/dutchy_chris
  • 18

    Let's hope this teen's dad can step in and address the situation before it becomes unfixable

    celticmusebooks Sit your dad down and tell him you have TWO questions to ask that have only a yes/no answer and that the both questions need to be the same answer. Yes to one is yes to both. No to one is no to both. PERIOD. He needs to step up and be a dad and pick a lane.
    via u/celticmusebooks
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    Question 1 do you want me in your life after I turn 18 and can make my own choices? Question 2 are you going to tell your wife that I'm not her daughter and she needs to back off with her demands? NTA but SHAME on your dad for letting this continue.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 20
    Patient_Depend... Nta, step mom is way out of bounds. Kids are like cats, if you are overbearing and demanding. They will never accept you
    via u/Patient_Dependent312

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nephews family drama aita mother grandma niece family feud aunt uncle in laws Grandpa family grandparents daughter son Father
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